All Public Toilets Individualised, Privately-Provided and Price-Capped

In many parts of the country, finding an open working public toilet is difficult enough, and finding one that doesn't assail the senses with unpleasant odours and that has a full complement of soap, water and hand-towels is harder still. In many male toilets there is often a tense atmosphere and the threat of encountering undesirables is often in the back of people's minds. All this, and all you want to do is go to the loo ! But as some councils have already shown, it doesn't have to be this way.

The solution which many councils have already employed to great success is that of installing modern, individualised unisex pay loos. These afford total privacy and relaxation and often come with baby-change facilities and little mirrors. We will also require ALL public toilets to have :

• some form of inbuilt anti-blockage facility — it is ridiculous that this wasn't a requirement many years ago
• a powerful, pressurised flush — so that previous usage is undetectable
• and powerful extractor fans and odourisers so that odours from previous usage is cleared at maximum speed.

This will make the unpleasantness of using public conveniences a convenience rather than a misery. We will therefore commit to progressively replacing toilet blocks with these modern units.

Whilst some element of subsidy will almost certainly be necessary, we will not price cap the admission price until it reaches 50p. Everyone can afford the occasional 50p — even those on benefits — and for a national network of proper decent toilets that is a small price to pay.

We will also investigate ways of obtaining each unit at minimum cost through using basic designs (rather than the more expensive models) and by making each unit as low maintenance as possible (with consideration given to for e.g., replacing toilet paper, soap, water and dryer with wet-wipes on a time release).

Caravan parks will also be required to upgrade their toilet blocks so as to comply with these individualisation proposals.

Once sufficient public facilities are available in an area, Police and local Civil Enforcement Officers will be encouraged to charge anyone urinating in public with a public disorder offence.

A 'Loos in Laybys' Initiative

A rolling programme of installing additional basic public toilets needs to be implemented at the earliest opportunity, making units available in thousands of laybys across the country — starting with the ones that already smell like urinals. Once a working toilet is installed in a layby, anyone failing to make use of it should be fined.

Local councils will remain fully responsible for the provision of public toilets, offering subsidies where necessary and imposing a 50p price-cap, but, as for all other public services, the aim is for the units themselves to be privately-provided.

Widely-Spaced Park Benches With Backs

Incomprehensibly, councils across the country have begun installing park benches that have no backs on them !! — what are the councils thinking ? The elderly and infirm can be seen in town centres perched uncomfortably on the edge of these monstrosities trying to take the strain off their backs. The inhuman design is also completely hopeless for everyone else. What a disgrace, and what a waste of taxpayers' money. We will begin a (community-build) rolling programme to add proper backs to all these seats immediately.

Many people's enjoyment of public seating is also inhibited by councils' insistence on placing them all next to one another, with the result that everyone can hear everyone else's conversation and the ASBO crowd have a field day annoying people on nearby benches. None of this reduced convenience is necessary. Councils will therefore be required to separate benches as far as possible from one another and move them back from footpaths in many locations — so people can stretch their legs without their feet getting in the way of others using footpaths. Consideration will also be given to a smaller standard design for any new benches installed so that they are just the right size for one or two people (which is the normal requirement when in use). Wherever possible, benches will also be positioned in locations that get more of the sun, further increasing the enjoyment factor for those making use of them.

Due to the very widespread practise of park benches being dedicated to a dearly departed family member or work colleague, we will take soundings on this issue with a view to the possible removal of such plaques —as for many people, this reminder of death and mortality makes using their local park bench like sitting on a gravestone, which is not many people's idea of a good way to relax!

All Restrictions Lifted On Shop Opening Hours

Although the days of people having to dash around on Saturdays just because the shops are all shut on Sunday have gone, large stores are still subject to restrictions on Sundays and Bank Holidays, which often means people can't pop-in and buy something when on the way out or returning from an afternoon drive, for example. DIYers too, often like to power-up on a Sunday and over Bank Holidays, and yet should they discover they need a couple of pieces of extra wood or the drill bit breaks, etc. they are unable to just nip down the road and buy additional materials or buy replacements, and are consequently unable to complete the job when they would like. All restrictions on shopping hours for anything from anywhere at any time of the year will therefore be abolished.

All Public Buildings Designed For Privacy

It is an extraordinary fact of modern life that far too many of our public buildings — from council and benefits offices to library facilities and waiting rooms at G.P.s', Dentists' and hospital receptions — are arranged with little apparent concern for the privacy of customers and patients. As a result, its usually impossible to use a library computer without others being able to see everything you are working on, those next in line in queues at DWP offices and GP surgeries are able to hear every word of deeply personal conversations and patients waiting for dental appointments are expected to sit in waiting rooms where they can hear drills whirring and even the odd shriek ! To cap it all, countless waiting rooms are arranged with row after row of confrontational stress-creating face-to-face seating !

We will therefore require all publicly-controlled facilities to implement a rigorous set of privacy measures to overcome the above and similar problems.

Public Art Made More Mainstream

In recent years local councils seem to have made it one of their missions in life to impose their own peculiar notions of 'art' on the rest of us. Local councils will be required to consult a wide-range of ordinary people before erecting new works of art or sculptures in the public sphere. We will expect councils to favour work that does not rely on nudity (that many people find offensive) to create 'a response' in the general public. We will also require local councils to remove most existing works that have come to be known as local eyesores.

Government-controlled or government-funded artistic institutions, grant-making bodies and public-sponsored arts competitions, whilst not excluding 'extreme art', will primarily encourage and support art affirming beauty, a positive vibe and catering for more mainstream tastes.

The Public's Right To Feed Birds In Public Places Protected

Increasingly councils are imposing bans on the general public's right to feed the birds, ducks, geese, swans, etc in and around local parks and waterways, citing health concerns over droppings and the risk of catching disease. Whilst in some locations an outright ban is defensible (possibly in town centres), to seek to deny the public this most fundamental, essentially harmless, pleasurable interaction with nature is, sadly, yet another example of just how detached our present leaders have become from sensible, mainstream public opinion.

Whatever the arguments about healthy diets for wildlife and the problems of droppings and leftover food they do not even begin to justify an outright ban on feeding birds. They are merely reasons for the council to take additional measures to reduce any negative impact. For e.g. a single minimum-wage Bird Feeding Officer could monitor and clean every popular feeding site in even large towns armed with little more than a van, some waders and a few bottles of bleach. And it is just this kind of practical, worthwhile expense that a majority of the public would be more than happy to support.

It really is time councils spent less time dreaming up new ways to make everyone miserable and returned to the democratic business of governing in a balanced, responsible manner, one that delights in working with the grain of human nature rather than against it.

Subsidised Town Centre Theatre Venues Made Available To Local Amateur Musicians, Amateur Dramatic Societies and Groups Wanting To Stage A Live Show

Many local bands would love the opportunity to play a large hall live, yet never get the opportunity, and local amateur dramatic societies often struggle to raise the funds for often exorbitant hall-hire fees. We will therefore ensure that every major town and city has a large quality theatre for such events available at very cheap rates. Existing local theatres and cinemas could be approached to see whether they would be willing to allow access, otherwise disused cinemas or large town centre buildings could be converted. Such a venue, regularly offering live evnts would be another affordable and fun option for those wanting an evening-out.

Subsidised Local Band Practise Facilities

Many bands and music groups struggle to find somewhere to practise that doesn't annoy neighbours etc. yet all that is required is a decent sized room away from residential buildings. We will therefore ensure that local councils make such facilities available — with likely venues being the often largely unused (and relaltively cheap) small industrial units.

Seating and Tables At Popular 'Watch The World Go By' Sites Given Retractable All-Weather Awnings

Local councils could be encouraged to add stylish, modern retractable awnings to at least some of their local picnic and world-watching sites, enabling local people to recharge their emotional batteries at such sites all year round and not just during fine weather.